the Gently Mad

This has been an interesting month so far. Actually, it’s been an interesting summer. Well, OK, it’s been an interesting couple of years…

There are those periods of life where everything seems in constant flux, always changing, and while that keeps things exciting, I’m not a guy who looks forward to lots of adventure and surprises. That may sound boring to you, but I enjoy consistency.

I like spending time with my family. I like sitting out on the patio sharing a Guinness with friends. I like reading, listening to music, studying, watching Family Guy with my wife. You could say these are simple pleasures but they are the things I enjoy and look forward to.

But providence has a way of forcing change on us and for me, it’s a very uncomfortable experience.

Jessica and I are expecting the birth of our second (and possible third) child in about seven months and while of course I’m excited, I’m much more terrified this time around than the last.

With Izzie, I had first-time dad jitters, for sure, but I had no idea what being a father would be like, how it would change my life and how it would force me to change.

And don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade Izzie for anything, but little things like getting married and having babies tends to bring to the surface all the impurities and inconsistencies in one’s life.

So it’s not because I don’t know what to do that I’m experiencing some trepidation about the future, it’s because I know this process will start all over again. What new sins are going to be revealed? In what new ways will I have to die to myself? How will loving my family become more sacrificial?

I feel a bit like C.S. Lewis’ Eustace Scrubb in Voyage of The Dawn Tredder. At one point Eustace had turned into a dragon and in order for him to change back Aslan had to strip away the layers of scales.

Every time a layer of scales is stripped away from heart I find there are more layers still to go. And that is a painful and process.

I know the future will bring more layers of scales to be stripped away and it’s easy for me to fear the pain of that process.

Being a husband has changed my life. Being a dad has changed my life. And both for the better. My hope is that this process, though painful, will teach me to hope in Christ and bring me closer to him.